Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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