What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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