someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
