So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
