farters have to be the big spoon...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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