did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
so let's talk penis.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
