she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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