Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
