Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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