he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
