I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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