WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
