we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
