the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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