My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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