dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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