whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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