could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
