My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
