HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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