that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
