well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
