Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
