I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
