sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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