ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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