I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
