She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
