Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
