ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
