i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
