Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
