I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
