Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
