dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
