lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
