There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
