first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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