and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
