I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I need moral support for this bender
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
