I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
