YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
