I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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