I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
