god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
