She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
