Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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