We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
