some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
