nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
