i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
