We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
