Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
