I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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