Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize