I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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