What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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