guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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