If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
