if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize