i need an iv and a liver transplant
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I just sharted jello shots
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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