I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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