turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
