one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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