You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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