Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
