Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
