Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize