We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
