either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
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