i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
