I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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